That’s What She Said

Television shows are always better than real life, right?

As a sister of one of our fine sororities on Ohio Wesleyan’s campus, I must say, “Greek” the TV show portrays Greek life quite accurately.

However, the show is way better than being an actual Greek on campus, because I am on the outside.

First, the drama that accompanies sorority life in this fictional world really does occur in real life. This is not a plot ploy, although it is usually somewhat exaggerated for more drama and/or comedy.

By putting any more than eight girls in one room at a time, you are severely increasing the chances of gossip and drama.

It is a fact of life. Girls love gossip. We eat gossip for breakfast. We gossip about other girls, we gossip about boys. It’s just what we do. But there comes a point when the gossip wheel gets old.

Watching this drama unfold on my television removes me from the situation and breathes new life into my tired gossip-worn body.

I do not want to hear about how much Person A hates Person B for being drunk all the time, unless it is on my television.

Secondly, I love that because this is a television show, I do not actually have to participate in any of the ridiculous events these sororities and fraternities cook up. I get to be on the other side again, laughing at the stupid things those crazy Greeks are doing.

I will admit that the events we put on are to raise money for our respective philanthropies.

This is a good thing. But deep down, even the most loyal sorority or fraternity member realizes how dumb half of these are.

To embarrass ourselves may put a smile on the faces of non-Greeks, but I will tell you, I am not smiling. Unless I am watching it on TV.

I realize that many of you reading this are also members of the Greek community here at OWU, and you might think I am wrong about all of this.

You might even be mad. Frankly, that does not bother me. You are probably the people
who are angry about my column trashing Oprah, and you are probably the people I hated on last week about wearing leggings as pants. (Emily Rose, you are allowed to wear leggings, but no one else.)

Hate me if you want to.

But I remember receiving an e-mail this past summer on the night the show was supposed to premiere. It was from my sorority.

The e-mail wanted us, as members of our fine sorority, to stand up to the negative and untrue stereotypes that the show was rumored to portray.

If you have ever watched the show, and you are a member of the Greek community, can you honestly say that most of the things that happen on the show have never happened, to your knowledge, here at OWU? Because I will say they have.

The show is not false in its portrayal of Greek life. Sometimes it might exaggerate a couple
of things.

But we all have secrets and our own gossip that circulates; first it is just the house, but then, given our small campus, it makes its way to all of the sororities. And there is the possibility of it extending further outside the circle of Greeks.

But, personally, I think the show does an adequate job at portraying the basics of Greek life

If you have not seen the show, check it out for yourself. It returns with new episodes March 24 at 9 p.m. on ABC Family.

FROM: Volume 146, Issue 18: March 6, 2008

My original plan for this column was to honor my favorite ’80s films in light of Molly Ringwald turning 40 last week. However, due to recent events, I have decided to alter my focus in the form of a letter.

We will return to our regularly scheduled entertainment topics next week.

Dear female students of Ohio Wesleyan University,

Leggings do not qualify as pants. Ever.

Honestly, I have no desire to walk up the stairs of University Hall behind a girl who is not wearing pants. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened last Friday, which accounts for the existence of this column.

Merely because leggings are the same shape as pants does not make them a qualified substitute.

You should never wear leggings f you do not plan on wearing a skirt over them. If you choose not to wear a skirt, I would hope your shirt is long enough to cover your butt. If it is not, the rest of OWU’s population (at least the women and probably every member of the faculty and staff) would prefer that you covered up. I have no idea why this trend would be thought of as fashionable, but apparently it is.

I know this might be difficult to understand, but do not worry because I have created a simple test to figure out if pants are needed to complete an outfit.

Step 1: Look in the mirror and ask yourself this question: “Can I see my butt?”

If the answer to this question is yes, please proceed to the second step.

Step 2: Put on pants, a skirt, shorts, etc.

As an addition to my complaints bout leggings, I have one more thing to say: wearing Uggs (or any form of boot that looks as if it could handle the snow) with leggings (with or without a skirt) is not attractive and makes me ashamed to be a woman of our generation.

Aside from the fact that I have no desire to see my fellow students’ butts, it snowed last week. Why in the world would you think it was sane to walk out of your dorm room or apartments without proper winter attire?

As a true Ohioan I will often shed my winter coat for sweatshirts once the thermostat reads a balmy 45 degrees. I understand that this is not entirely appropriate but, hey, at least I am still wearing pants.

Yours truly,
Kaitlin Thomas

P.S. If you absolutely cannot stand wearing pants, I hear there are nudist colonies in Europe. I would be happy to Google them for you.

I could also help you find the names and addresses of businesses in the adult entertainment field around Columbus. Apparently not wearing pants is a requirement for the job. And you get paid for not wearing those pants.

So it’s a win/win/win situation f you ask me. I do not have to look at your butt, so I win. You will still be able to not wear those pesky pants, so you win. And you will be making money. So again, a win.

From: Volume 146, Issue 17: February 28, 2008

The critically acclaimed television show “Pushing Daisies” (ABC) was renewed for a second season. Now, there are a lot of shows that were renewed for next season, so why am I writing about this show? Because I love it and that is the only reason I need.

Now, why do I love it? It has vibrant and saturated colors that are not found in any other show. This makes me sound like a four year old, but it has other attractions as well. It has pretty people. This makes me sound shallow, but just wait. It has a premise that I adore and a creator that I have followed for years.

The show stars Lee Pace as Ned, a pie maker with a strange gift. One touch from his finger can bring the dead back to life. The catch, and there always is one, is that the deceased can only come back for one minute. If they pass the one minute mark, the person who is nearest them in proximity suddenly dies. Sounds morbid, no? Maybe the pretty colors make up for it.

In all truth, the show is a happy fairytale and not just because of the colors. There is a love story as well as a mystery of the week. These things coupled with wonderful supporting actors who light up the screen each time they have a scene make this a truly enjoyable show.

Now, the love story involves Ned and his childhood crush, Charlotte “Chuck” Charles (Anna Friel). Ned’s mother died when he was young. Following her death Ned’s father sent him to boarding school and he never saw Chuck again. Until she died.

Again with the morbid. But it is alright, because Ned brings Chuck back to life. The two are clearly in love, but are unable to touch. For if they do, Chuck will perish forever (another catch).

Now you may be wondering how the mysteries tie in. Ned helps his partner Emerson Cod, a private investigator portrayed by Chi McBride, by bringing murder victims back to life to find out how they died. They then collect the reward money. Emerson is the one who truly covets the cash, but Ned never refuses the money.

My favorite part of the entire show however, is Kristen Chenoweth. She plays Olive Snook, a waitress at Ned’s restaurant, The Pie Hole (yes, as in “shut your pie hole”).

Part of the reason I adore this character is because I adore Chenoweth. For those less-Broadway inclined than yours truly, she originated the role of Glinda in the award-winning Broadway musical “Wicked.” She steals every scene she is in and most of the comedy comes from her perfect delivery.

Now, as I stated above, I also love this show because Bryan Fuller, the creator. Fuller has been the mastermind behind some of my favorite television shows. “Dead Like Me” was a cult hit. It was about a young woman who died and became a reaper of souls.

In 2004, Fuller had another cult hit in “Wonderfalls.” Again this show had a supernatural essence about it. Inanimate objects, such as a wax lion or a brass monkey, would tell the main character to do certain things. Kind of like a “Joan of Arcadia” vibe, only we never know if it is actually God speaking or not.

Unfortunately for Fuller, these shows never made it. DLM was cancelled after two seasons and “Wonderfalls” only made it nine episodes on the air. I think I am just as happy to see Fuller succeeding with “Pushing Daisies” as he is. Due to the writer’s strike, the first season was cut tragically short. The news of its renewal has made me (and presumably Fuller) jump for joy. So hopefully I have written enough to persuade you to join in on the magical fairytale of bright vibrant colors.

And did I mention the people are pretty?

FROM: Volume 146, Issue 16: February 21, 2008

Few independent movies become smash hits, but every once in awhile a few break free from mediocrity and achieve recognition.

“Napoleon Dynamite” was huge. So huge in fact, that the movie’s stars Jon Heder and Aaron Ruell came to speak at OWU my freshman year. This year “Juno” is following in Napoleon’s dancing footsteps.

I remember reading about this movie long before the trailers were playing. As a regular reader of most entertainment magazines, I heard of this former stripper named Diablo Cody, who had penned a screenplay that was supposed to be fantastic.

It was about 16-year-old Juno MacGuff (played by Ellen Page) who had been impregnated by her geeky best friend (portrayed by the always delightful Michael Cera). Instead of keeping the baby or getting an abortion, she does the responsible thing and carries it to term and gives it up for adoption. It seemed like a bad episode of “7th Heaven.”

So when I started seeing previews and watching interviews with Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman, the married couple who are to adopt the child, I realized this movie had serious potential.

I was right. This movie is fantastic. “Juno” is witty and sarcastic but not too over the top like it is struggling for laughs. As a character Juno has a charm about her that I have not seen in any other recent movies about teenage girls. She had a good sense of the real world, at least for a 16-year-old, and she was more level-headed than any of the girls I went to high school with.

I knew when I walked out of the theatre this would be one of my favorite movies. And, O.K., that’s not saying much because as I write this I can look over at my shelf and see my movie collection and see about 100 movies and about 50 television DVD sets. But I digress. I knew this movie was special.

I do not like to toot my own horn but I was right. “Juno” has been nominated for multiple Academy Awards, including a best actress nomination for Ellen Page. She might not win because she is up against veteran actors like Cate Blanchett and Laura Linney, but at least she beat out Keira Knightley for her work in “Atonement.”

All together the movie is nominated for four awards. Diablo Cody is nominated for Best Original Screenplay and Jason Reitman is nominated for his work as director. And to top that off, the movie is up for the Best Picture award.

If you have not seen the movie yet, I suggest you head down to The Strand because it will be playing through the end of the week. Plus I can almost guarantee you will laugh throughout the movie. You might even cry. But that would only be because you were laughing too hard and you could not breathe. Juno is a winner even if it does not take home any awards, so go see it.

I hate Oprah. In fact, I have always hated Oprah. I used to think it was because she took credit for a lot of things she did not have the right to take credit for. But now I realize what I have always known deep down: Oprah wants to take over the world.

It was announced Jan. 15 that in 2009 Oprah will launch the Oprah Winfrey Network. As if having her own talk show, television production company, radio show, magazines and book club were not enough, Oprah has to go and take over an entire channel of my beloved television set.

The ironic piece to this puzzle is that “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” her syndicated daytime talk show that made her famous, will not even air on OWN. At least not until 2010 or 2011. Apparently Oprah’s contract for the show is not up until then, so for awhile Tom Cruise will have to stick to jumping on couches in syndication.

The network will run on what is currently the Discovery Health Channel. Now personally, I never watched that channel, but I think I should get in all I can because once 2009 hits, I will be forced to skip that channel when I am looking for something to watch.

According to the press release on Oprah’s website, OWN’s mission will be to inspire men and women to live their best lives possible. There’s already a show that does that. It’s called “Maury.” If anyone can sit through an entire episode of that show and not be inspired to live a better life, then we have a much bigger problem on our hands.

To make matters worse, ABC will air “Oprah’s Big Give” beginning in March. From what I have gathered, this is another show that makes Oprah out to be a saint. She will “give” 10 lucky contestants a large amount of money, and then force them to give it all away. Talk about one of the worst ideas ever. Who will want to be on THAT show?

As I said at the beginning of this column, I think Oprah takes credit for things that she has no right to take credit for. Take for instance this new game show. Most people probably think Oprah is giving away her own money. We all know that’s not true. Her name is attached to it, so it will probably draw in millions of viewers, but I will not be one of them.

I realize by writing this column I have probably just made about a thousand new enemies here at OWU. That should bring my enemy total to 1,001. But I am O.K. with that, because Oprah has to be stopped before she really does try to take over the world.

FROM: Volume 146, Issue 14: Feburary 7, 2008