Oprah does not own the world, but she wants to
I hate Oprah. In fact, I have always hated Oprah. I used to think it was because she took credit for a lot of things she did not have the right to take credit for. But now I realize what I have always known deep down: Oprah wants to take over the world.
It was announced Jan. 15 that in 2009 Oprah will launch the Oprah Winfrey Network. As if having her own talk show, television production company, radio show, magazines and book club were not enough, Oprah has to go and take over an entire channel of my beloved television set.
The ironic piece to this puzzle is that “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” her syndicated daytime talk show that made her famous, will not even air on OWN. At least not until 2010 or 2011. Apparently Oprah’s contract for the show is not up until then, so for awhile Tom Cruise will have to stick to jumping on couches in syndication.
The network will run on what is currently the Discovery Health Channel. Now personally, I never watched that channel, but I think I should get in all I can because once 2009 hits, I will be forced to skip that channel when I am looking for something to watch.
According to the press release on Oprah’s website, OWN’s mission will be to inspire men and women to live their best lives possible. There’s already a show that does that. It’s called “Maury.” If anyone can sit through an entire episode of that show and not be inspired to live a better life, then we have a much bigger problem on our hands.
To make matters worse, ABC will air “Oprah’s Big Give” beginning in March. From what I have gathered, this is another show that makes Oprah out to be a saint. She will “give” 10 lucky contestants a large amount of money, and then force them to give it all away. Talk about one of the worst ideas ever. Who will want to be on THAT show?
As I said at the beginning of this column, I think Oprah takes credit for things that she has no right to take credit for. Take for instance this new game show. Most people probably think Oprah is giving away her own money. We all know that’s not true. Her name is attached to it, so it will probably draw in millions of viewers, but I will not be one of them.
I realize by writing this column I have probably just made about a thousand new enemies here at OWU. That should bring my enemy total to 1,001. But I am O.K. with that, because Oprah has to be stopped before she really does try to take over the world.
FROM: Volume 146, Issue 14: Feburary 7, 2008
